What is "wordiness"?
"Wordiness" is the use of too many words within a sentence or paragraph for conveying an idea which can be expressed more concisely--that is, with fewer words (like this sentence!) Notice how the opening sentence can be restated without losing the essential meaning: "Wordiness" is using too many words to express an idea. We have stated basically the same idea in 22 fewer words!

Some Tips for Avoiding Wordiness
Here are a few verbal constructions to avoid and to edit from your writing when you discover them:

1) "There is/are . . . that/which . . .

Example: According to Amnesty International, there are 124 nations that employ state-sponsored torture of its own citizens.
Better: According to Amnesty International, one hundred and twenty-four nations employ state-sponsored torture of its own citizens.

2) Stating the Obvious

Example: Jason Broadmore, an actor, has been cast as the villain in Hathaway's Velvet Secrets.
Better: Jason Broadmore has been cast as the villain in Hathaway's Velvet Secrets.

3) Stringy Sentences

Example: Samuel Clemens wrote a number of juvenile satirical essays when he worked for his brother Orion in Muscatine, Iowa, before he went out west "on the overland stage" where he took on the sobriquet, "Mark Twain," which he claims he derived from "two marks" of credit in the local saloon.
Better: Before he went west "on the overland stage," Samuel Clemens wrote a number of juvenile satirical essays when he worked for his brother Orion in Muscatine, Iowa. "Out west," he took on the sobriquet, "Mark Twain," which he claims he derived from "two marks" of credit in the local saloon.

4) Dissipating Abstractions in Description

Example: Sunlight glows on the flowers, rocks, and trees which reflects a rare beauty only nature can produce.
Better: Sunlight glows on the flowers, rocks, and trees.

5) Circuitous Phrases

Example: The government of the United States must always be on guard to look for ways to preserve the freedoms contained in the Constitution.
Better: The United States government must vigilantly protect Constitutional freedoms.

6) Stuffy, Pompous Words

Example: The protracted utilization of inappropriately technologically-enhanced refractory lenses can produce irreparable visual side effects.
Better: Wearing the wrong glasses over an extended period of time can damage your eyes.

General Principles for Avoiding Wordiness

• Try to express ideas as simply and as straight-forwardly as possible.
• Use the most common or expected words.
• Avoid unnecessarily convoluted phrases within sentences.
• Use adjectives sparingly.
• Balance your use of complex sentences with simple and compound sentences within paragraphs.

Go to Exercise 9

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