(Assignment 4)
(Return to the Unit 2 Table of Contents)

An Exercise in Reducing Wordiness

Instructions: Read the following paragraph of student writing. Revise the sentences carefully by reducing them in length but not in the essential descriptive detail that is actually there. If necessary, combine phrases and clauses in order to produce fully developed thoughts, but do not add other details to the paragraph. Printout this paragraph, make corrections, and then mail or FAX in this page with your revised paragraph below:

There are certain elements to be viewed while strolling through the Mountain View College creek and one is the soft, bristling water as it comes down from the fountain and down the waterfall and finally when it cruises past the pale, white rocks. Another element that can be seen in the creek is the way the beaming sunlight casts its glow on the flowers and trees which reflect a rare beauty only nature can produce. The way the rocks can be so still and still add lustre to the scene is really a fine example of still-life beauty. And finally, while strolling through the creek, the wind can be felt mildly gusting through the many caverns.

Reduce to about 40 words.

Hint: See below in the highlighted phrases the actual description in the paragraph. All other words and phrases should be deleted and the remaining description reconstructed into coherent sentences.

There are certain elements to be viewed while strolling through the Mountain View College creek and one is the soft, bristling water as it comes down from the fountain and down the waterfall and finally when it cruises past the pale, white rocks. Another element that can be seen in the creek is the way the beaming sunlight casts its glow on the flowers and trees which reflect a rare beauty only nature can produce. The way the rocks can be so still and still add lustre to the scene is really a fine example of still-life beauty. And finally, while strolling through the creek, the wind can be felt mildly gusting through the many caverns.