A figure of speech is a comparison (like similes, metaphors, or personification). Overuse of such comparisons makes a descriptive paragraph cumbersome and the meaning of its sentences sometimes misleading. Here are some helpful hints in using figures of speech in description:

(1) Use figures of speech sparingly.
(2) Avoid complex, complicated figures of speech; their meaning should always be immediately obvious in the context of the sentence.
(3) Avoid using figures of speech in phrases at the end of an explanatory sentence.
(4) Avoid conflicting figures of speech within a paragraph.

Mark Twain's description of the Mississippi River from Life on the Mississippi and Washington Irving's burlesque introduction of Icabod Crane in the "Legend of Sleepy Hollow" are American masterpieces of descriptive writing.

Following is an example of student writing in which figures of speech are overworked and actually impede rather than enhance the clarity of images.

Analysis:

The descriptive images in the paragraph above are obscured by unfortunate and unnecessary comparisons. Note the figures of speech in the highlighted words and phrases in the copy of the same paragraph below:

The simile: like a mother's enfolding arms reaching out to caress her sleeping child
No further clarity of image is provided in the second sentence by the last phrase. In fact, the simile of the "mother and child" is so powerful emotionally as to shift the entire focus from a description of nature to one of the most sentimental images in the world--the tenderness of a mother for a helpless infant.

The writer gets so carried away in her enthusiasm for the "mother and child" motif even though there is no detail of the creek scene that suggests a parallel for "the sleeping child." What is the best solution for correcting the unfortunate misdirection of the closing phrase? Answer: Drop the entire phrase from the sentence.

The simile: Like a beaming, proud mother's eye
As difficult as is the "mother-child" motif at the end of the second sentence, the difficulty is only compounded by its continued reference at the beginning of the next sentence.

The functional metaphor: drenches
This figure of speech works--one of only two that do! The comparison is between the function of the "sun" and the function of "water."  In other words, just as the water drenches the earth with rain, the sun drenches the earth with warmth; the earth can absorb both rain and warmth.

The anthropomorphism: loving
This figure of speech does NOT work! Don't impose on nature human attributes, especially feelings. Nature doesn't care about anything!

The functional metaphor: shoot
This is the other figure of speech that DOES work! Minnows do appear to "shoot" from rock to rock, suggesting the comparison between the movement of minnows underwater and that of darts being fired from a dart gun.

A mixed metaphor: thrust like scattershot
We're mixing a blast from a shotgun (the "scattershot" reference) with the flight of darts from the end of dart guns. Don't mix metaphors (or any other figures of speech, for that matter).

An oxymoron: by some unseen hand.
This phrase is inherently contradictory--that is, an oxymoron. Because the human hand is the most familiar image to us, we cannot help but "see" or imagine the hands when they are referenced. Furthermore, the unfortunate phrase, coming at the end of the sentence and the paragraph, is in the most powerful position for carrying meaning in any explanatory writing. In this case, this not-so-veiled allusion to the viewer only detracts from the image of the minnows.

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