English 1301 Name
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An
Exercise in Reducing Wordiness in Paragraphs
Instructions
The following paragraph is an example of first-draft writing. The assignment was to write a paragraph describing an outdoor scene. Of the 96 words, only about 40 are actually descriptive—words that stimulate specific impressions of one or more of the five senses. Your task is to reduce the paragraph to only the descriptive words and then to recompose them into an effective short paragraph of about three sentences.
There are certain elements to be viewed while strolling through the college creek and one is the soft, bristling water as it comes down from the fountain and down the waterfall and finally cruises past the pale, white rocks. Another element that can be seen in the creek is the way the beaming sunlight casts its glow on the flowers and trees which reflect a rare beauty that only nature can produce. The way the rocks can be so still and still add luster to the scene is really a fine example of still-life beauty. And finally, while strolling through the creek, the wind can be felt mildly gusting through the many caverns.
Rewrite your revised paragraph
in the space below: